This is something I must write for my own sake.
A large chunk of my years on this earth has been plagued with a self-inflicted cycle that has been completely unhealthy for me as an individual, as a Christian and as a part of an amazing family.
There is no need to delve into details. What I will say though is that I’m a square peg who has wasted years trying to fit itself in a round hole. And as I struggle to fit, I not only bruise my sides, I bruise the poor hole too. Enough of all that.
I have spent so many years trying to camouflage my square-ness.
Ok, I know I’m not making sense so I’m going to stop now. I just felt like writing this brief thing.. I’m done with the pretense.
Most importantly, I’m done running away from God. He’s got a square hole for me, and with all my weariness, I’m going to end this cycle and get my battered self to him. Time is not on my side.
I will end with these verses from some Hymns:
Oppressed with sin and woe
A burdened heart I bear
Opposed by many a mighty foe
Yet I will not despair
With this polluted heart
I dare to come to thee
Holy and mighty as thou art
For thou wilt pardon me
I feel that I am weak
And prone to every sin
But thou who gives to those who seek
Will give me strength within
In my redeemer’s name
I give myself to thee
And all unworthy as I am
My God will welcome me.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be
Let that grace, Lord, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Take my heart, O take and seal it
Seal it from Thy courts above.